Mr Magnifico - Mr. Tut's Donut Hut PDF Print E-mail
Mr Magnifico cornered a group of glazed and sprinkled children, huddled them together, and licked his lips. “Ok, children. I'm going to bring you up to speed on the presently delicious situation you've found yourselves in. So there we were, Ping Pong, my plucky assistant; Mr. Tut, Boy King of the Donut Dynasty; and yours truly, Mr Magnifico, world renown detective, master bon vivant of 5 of the 7 culinary arts of perception, and donut connoisseur, entrenched in what would come to be one the most overly complex cases I have ever undertaken.”

Behind the narrating detective and his captive audience, Ping Pong limped to an ambulance with the aid of a doughy paramedic. Further beyond, firefighters hosed the blazing donut hut, as raining coffee and hailing donuts assailed bystanders.

Pausing his tale, Mr Magnifico cried, “Lunch Rush Pork Bun Catch!” and snatched a cruller from the air. With his hungry focus momentarily diverted to the pastry, one child attempted to flee from the pack but the detective had finished the cruller before the girl took her first step. He easily caught the escapee in his gaze and a cheese Danish in his teeth. “Mmrmfmmrfm. Now, where did I leave off?”

The bravest, wisest, and brown-sugariest of the children seized upon the detective’s distractibility and asked, “No la entiendo. ¿Por que esta Mr. Tut's donut Hut en fuego?”

Mr Magnifico cocked his head to the right and recalled, ”That's right little one. Mr Tut's Donut Hut! The place of the famed Ra's Eye, a spherical donut shaped to resemble the all knowing sun god's symbol. Just the other day I bought a dozen for only a dollar, and today they were gone! I immediately suspected Apep. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, 'You just can't trust someone with a snake for a head.'“

The detective gave a wink to one of the children; the boy froze with fear. His friends, who had already escaped the huddle, stared back at him as if to say, “We'll miss you.” He glanced in reply, “Remember me as I was...”

“… delicious,” Mr Magnifico finished, along with a fritter, and patted the boy on the head. The boy collapsed but was saved by the brave child in the brown sugar who had discovered an escape route between their perceived predator’s legs.

The detective continued, ‘Immediately, I knew where to look. 'Ping Pong,' I yelled with force and authority. 'We leave for Bakhu!’

‘Can I grab a chocolate twisty,’ Ping Pong asked me timidly, as he could not help but cower from my aura of impressiveness.’

I replied, ‘We have no time! I see you fail to grasp the gravity of the situation, the very sun is being slowly consumed by chaos.’

It was a long flight from here to there. You see, the terrible chaos serpent Apep lives just over the horizon waiting to devour Ra as he enters the underworld according to Egyptian law. But, the Egyptians didn't realize the earth was round. In fact some still don't, otherwise they would have warned me when we stopped there to ask for directions.”

Subconsciously, Mr Magnifico repositioned his feet, unintentionally routing the children in defeat. “So, long story short, we abandoned our quest and came back to the scene of the crime where I performed the standard ritual to ward off Apep.”

Ping Pong, equipped with crutches acquired from the ambulance, hobbled over to the detective and the phagophobic children and explained, “El fijo el lugar en el fuego. (+He won't eat you).”

Mr Magnifico justified, “That's how the ancient priests did it.” A small charred donut hole bounced off Ping Pong's head and into Mr Magnifico's mouth.

Partially reassured by Ping Pong's speech and seeing the crispy confection as a final opportunity for escape the remaining children fled in every direction. One child, blinded by fear and sprinkles, collided into Mr Magnifico's leg adhering himself with sticky glaze and dough.

“You don't have to thank me for finding the donuts, my boy. It's my job; it's what I do.” The detective smiled and tousled the boy's hair only to be thwarted by the child's baldness. They exchanged glances of confusion and fear, until the child passed out from the latter. Mr Magnifico made no notice of this or of the Brown Sugar Boy’s* return and subsequent rescue of his unconscious comrade.

Ping Pong rolled his eyes. “They were never missing. Mr. Tut had the tray in the back.”

“Mere semantics. Come. I believe our work here is done. I'm in the mood for lobster.”

Ping Pong heard sirens and for a moment, considered allowing the Mexican Police to take him. Mr Magnifico glanced at his aide and slyness entered his voice. “Please don't dawdle my young accomplice; we don't want to miss our boat.”



*As she was known from that day forth, despite the removal of the sugar, the conflict with her gender, and the non-nativeness of the vernacular.

 
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